Dear Melancholy

Dear melancholy you bend near so often,you whisper pure, red dire poetry in my ear. You leave my nights forsaken of sleep and my lips unkissed. You dress yourself elegantly and always in black. Steal the color from my desire for your pretty dark glittered fire. You destroy my muse, transforming my shelter of thought to ashes. My steps I once chose with joy falter from my chosen path. You steal my laughter, seal my lips. You are a battle and some days I let you win. Nice soft darkness holds me too close, as the world becomes a clutter of wild noise. My words stall unpardoned and I become hidden in my silence. So I hide in my silence. Dear Melancholy I won't betray those that say they love me best, they will never guess, You and I are in an never ending war.

PROPHET AND POET

I made some peace with never will be
Shall I bless the prophet who puts the poet to sleep
Yesterday I'll visit no more
The prophet just slipped out my back door

Even the rain can't wash away

What the prophet won't let the poet say

One knock at the door changes everything

The prophet prays when the poet reigns

 

I surrender to the rain song that woke up my dream

I surrender to the pain that was born in my veins

Rock the baby, walk the floor

The prophet and poet are friends no more

 

No more knocking on doors that won't open

Tired of leaning on hope and chocking

No more songs so my hands can rest

The violin's silenced at the prophets request

 

I made some love with a ghost from the past

The prophet sleeps, sweet dreams at last

Time has came to set the poet free

We'll wake the music from its reverie

We can be who we want to be

Hush, don't wake the prophet

He makes the poet grieve

Puts his words to sleep

 

 

 



red is my rain

Oh rain you know me well/November drenched and May deceived/You faltered me, but no I'm not weak/ You think you know me if you call me by my name/ But you don't know the scars upon the scars in my heart/red is my rain/Oh dreams you know I do not sleep/ Show me all I want to keep/My darkest, deep discovery Bridge too far, river deep/Oh dreams do you know me Dear pain you know my name/You didn't hide, you're not vain /You were real, nightmare red/Red is my rain Red is my rain/Oh reality, you know too much/ Remember how I came from dust/You know the end, I'll have to wait /red, red love/red, red lust Oh despair, no you don't care/tied my hands with doubt and grief /You're not fair, that I believe despair, too well you know me

puddles of pain

everything you are is all i need

when everyone walked you stood by me

all but forsaken, lost in shame

broken, face down in puddles of pain

my memories cloud a sunny day

silence steals words i never say

you love all i am, forgive all i'm not

strength of my battle, cry of my fall

you don't love just parts of me

you love the all

you call me beautiful

say that's what you see

when the dark that lies inside

buries layers of me

forget my mistakes and my stubborn pride

when puddles of pain threaten inside

you're everything love made you be

unconditional to tempermental, dramatic me

overlooking scars of my insecurity

stood by me through my sad insanity

when darkness falls and lights all fade

nothing i do makes you ashamed

you put me together one more time

when puddles of pain threaten inside

Wrote this about a special friendship I had as a teenager, he was there for me when I wouldn't let anyones else in. We drifted apart but he knew me at one time better and deeper than anyone, still means so much to know someone stood by me because they chose to, they didn't have to. 

Illuminate

dark night

throbbing through blue veins

unknown chemicals, crush of pain

words of warfare hold me in place

secrets lie sleeping

beneath sovereign grace

surrounding ruin

neglected need

my abandoned hope exasperates me

don't touch now my silence cries

dark defeat rains from blue eyes

hungered life 

of shadow and light

love is music out loud

only your love will figure me out

I struggle with faith

survive storms of hate

let light illuminate all I can't say

and lift me up

from this unholy place

I still believe there's more than we see

Illuminate me, illuminate me

from this hungered life of

shadow and light

love is music out loud

so let your love figure me out

So many dark nights, of change and happenstance I could not see my way around and sometimes didn't want to, music was the heal that calmed the rage that wanted to win. 

soldier blue

if I could walk back out on that battlefield
with you
would I see what made you bruised,broken
soldier blue
you came home sad and oh so proud
the walls went up, the silence came down
displaced, forgotten that honor knew your name
at home no longer in this world
you would never be the same
river restless,searching, on the move
moonlight and midnight music consoled you
I loved you, too young to tell you
soldier blue...
guarded heart of a patriot
no stranger to that foreign soil
heavy, heavy load of an imperfect, warring world
forgiveness wouldn't make you whole
left your youth on that battlefield
sacrifice haunted your hazel eyes
while stories of glory and ugly unholy
were still living inside
but you followed through
soul bruised, dirty and lonely
soldier blue

Wrote this while thinking about my father who was a World War Two veteran. I did not have my father with me for long. I was not quite seven when he was taken due to a car accident. I know the effects of a young man being in a war far from home missing family and friends coupled with all the drama of a battlefield lasts for a lifetime. I was young but I saw the brooding, the restlessness, the sad ,the aching melancholy my father dealt with.And it brought to light the dark within him and challenged us as a family.Those who serve in military give and lose more than we know, more than they say.

hands

hand in my mouth

wind on my face

cold and misplaced

I'm oblivious to grace

crude poverty 

yeah you know me

won't you let go of me

can't  fly , can't see

that no one can hear me

hands in my pockets

no hands that touch me

hands that don't love me

stronger than i need to be

there's beauty for ashes

first you have to get dirty

knees on the floor

another family war

don't know why too strong to cry

sad, sad season will you ever pass

I'm tired of mysteries

and stories of glass

hands in my mouth

words I'll never say

truth she can be harsh

let them lie where they lay

butterfly in winter, out of place

hand in my mouth, wind on my face

Sometimes what we seek is there ,we just overlook it.

There are times silence saves us from saying too much.

And sometimes where we are is where we need to be, even if it isn't lovely

The poverty I speak of is being denied what is rightfully ours, being denied a voice

in our life, dealing with that, gracefully as possible.

To anyone reading any of my creative efforts on here

THANK YOU!!!

sheltered

been so safe 

I haven't lived at all

I know you mean well

but could you sometimes

let me fall

you wipe my tears

before I cry

just once could I feel my

pain

just a little

can i die

you made a haven for me

but its all just too easy

cause there's something inside

struggling to survive

my dreams of freedom

dying to fly

something's broken, you can't fix it

its beauty has escaped

I don't want to become the beast

I fight

want to be free to walk in the light

don't want to be your forever

don't want to be this sheltered

Love that smothers is never a positive thing. Somethimes our painful whatever must be felt and dealt with personally.No one can do it for us, our pain is ours to feel and grow from,can't hand off to someone else or ignore it.Just part of our story,not all of it.Live bold, strong, in the raw black and white.A beautiful life emerges when we allow the color to emerge from what had to be.

half a breath

summer still feels like yesterday

love sleeps deep

is that what I hear you say?

they say I am gone

but you know the kindest part

of me has stayed

don't jump-don't close your eyes

one day this pain will fade

but I took part of you with me

it will never turn to grey

summer breath, one half a breath

from you

grieve no longer for 

the thing you can't undo

it's a long way to anywhere when 

you feel alone

but you're running so far, so fast

you can't see the one thing

that's meant to last

slow down

listen to your summer song

I still remember you

just want you to know

your wishes hold the stars

up in the sky

still I dream the meadows

we used to roam

a love this deep will never let

you fall

will never let you go

This was written August 8 2013 in my front yard .After cleaning my basement I walked outside and sat down, these were the words that fell from my pen.I believe they were sent from my younger brother Patrick whom I lost May 20 1999.One of the hardest losses I've faced was losing him. 

unloved

I can live without your love denied me

I can breathe, I can dream, I am still me

I can sleep alone

I don't need anyone to

close my eyes for me

I don't need anyone explain

all I can never be

I don't want to be 

what anyone says I should be

I am beneath no one

I can still see colors ,I can still run

I am not broken-never have been

I'm not incomplete if you think I am

I'm not sorry or ashamed

I'm no ones victim , I won't lay blame

I am peacefully aware

that I am growing lighter

I can carry my own load or lay it aside

 at my crossroads

I'm no borrowed

I'm not stolen or vain

I can be happy

Even when I'm unloved

In my most dire circumstances and there have been a few I have found its up to me to be happy.I can choose my own atmosphere by not allowing others to effect me  in negative ways.There will always be those that mark others as outsiders , outside their clique.Our happiness need not depend on anyone its only a state of mind, always our choice, even when we're unloved.

ticket

staring at the midnight sky

my prayer is lost, don't have

wings, can't fly

the moon is high

but it's raining inside

tired of waiting for this gray

to fade

yesterday's sadness is washing me away

will I make it to tomorrow

I can't say

my song is broken, my skin is dying

I tell them I'm alright

only I know I'm lying

no pills to ease this grave of pain

can't find my way back to

simplicity i crave

chains of discord tie me to

this bed of fear

think its time to buy

a ticket out of here

sometimes its just time to go....

vanesadawn

dirty face

ever hear the sound of a broken heart

when the breath will not release

pain finds its lodging place

and it won't let you sleep

hey dirty face what's wrong with you and me

no one to call your name

sweetens the urge to renew old flames

stuck with old memories of who

we'll never be

so can i have the old ones you won't

take  when you leave

mascara don't care if i cry

our love won't survive one more lie

so let's lie on the bed you're leaving

let yesterday sink into our skin

hey dirty face, it's raining

dirty face you have a hunger i can't please

and your pain has no cure

now its killing you and me

life was never meant to be easy

dirty face, you're running away from me

This is about making peace when a relationship ends, putting all the loose ends in place starting with the memories.Sometimes letting go is a blessing in disguise.

some days

some days the sun shines bright
and there's not a cloud in our sky
some days are dark and tear stained
with scars
some days we can fly
and we accept who we are
some days connect us with happiness and content
some days will leave us broken
without answers,and we won't understand
some days between despair and prayer we cry
these days are our life, all that we have
one day at a time we get through
some days are a gift we wish would never end
some days we only want to begin again
some days we waste not knowing what to do
some days belong to only you
some days bring new births and beginnings
some days reveal the face of God
some days turn our life around
grief turns our soul upside down
hope answers, faith delivers
paths unfold,small hands arrive
to guide and gently hold
some days bring honor or golden glories
of silence
some days we know who we are
and what we aren't
some days are celebrations
or the season to let go
some days we see with our heart
even if it storms
some days sum up a lifetime
of dreams, tears and destinies
some days all we have is all that was
© Vanesa Dawn

Bed That We Made

i miss your hands in my hair
and sunshine in your eyes
i sleep alone in the bed
that we made
if breathing means
i'm still alive

i don't talk to strangers
cause they'll want my story now
but i know its much too soon
for taking these walls down

if i walk a little faster
i might make it somewhere
doesn't really matter
cause you won't be there

the sun still shines
on little girl blue
but there's no high
high enough
to get me over you

going through the motions
for the pay of the day
since you don't sleep here any more
in the bed that we made

your scents still on your pillow
your shoes by the door
i put your dreams
in a cardboard box
cause you don't dream
here anymore

won't  feel your hand in my hand
won't see sunshine in blue eyes again
your scent on the pillow soon will fade
and love won't  sleep here anymore
in the bed that we made
© Vanesa Dawn

August Nights

For those who ever had a love, maybe forbidden- yet irresistible.  You just had to see that love through-even if it would end.

we knew a time of innocence

before the sun became a dirty blur

there was passion and refuge 

and those memories they still burn.

our breath and the heat they were the same

we'd spin and we'd soar, you'd scream my name

hand in hand we ran through the night

my best friend in the jealous moon light

we'll never know that innocence again

our young hands knew each other well

heated kisses shook us to our core

in those jasmine scented summer nights

behind your bedroom door

then the sky grew dirty

as the hourglass stood still

their gossip grew louder

as cicadas sang on our windowsill

and we were running in the night

beneath that jealous moonlight

didn't matter where we'd go

love changed everything inside of us

we were just too young to know

© Vanesa Dawn

Seasons

i've stopped complaining about the seasons
i can't change the light of day
i've stopped fighting all the reasons
it won't matter either way

i've stopped believing in forever
i know now it never was
but i believe death can never be
as courageous as our love

stopped counting on tomorrow
so now i'm counting on myself
but the sun is not as warm- will never be
as it was before you left

i feel you with me in the summer breeze
summer rain knows my grief-
even though i cannot see you
i know you are still with me

© VanesaDawn

write it down

the chorus of us
is slipping away
beneath the brown,the gray
of yesterday
write it down,write it down
all we'll never say

the story of us
the thunder has stolen
split apart with silence
whole circle
becoming fully broken

now I'll search in shadows
you're oblivious to light
vintage forms reappear
in bold black and white

sadness bends my knees
time has failed and betrayed
all we would ever be
write it down,write it down
let your story speak

century of love covered
with haze
your perfect memories
hazel eyes remember
then forget me

even if the stories bleed
write it down,write it down
remember again
before you leave me

© Vanesa Dawn

This is written about my grandmother whom I lost in 1999 due to Alzheimer's disease.
There were so many stories she took with her and I am left to wonder.Just wish I had taken
the time to get to know her better.Wish she had kept a journal or something,it would be a treasure for sure.

bury the rain

played your cards
but you were played
your family tree was made
of rain
and it washed you away

like a little girl you built
your castle in the sand
watched your favorite prince
destroy it 
with his own hands

the clock on the mantle lost
its sway, its chime
the voice you love to remember
still lives holy in 
hum and rhyme

the roads you used to walk
are the only ones you claim
no one there remembers the name
you couldn't wait to change
oh, lets bury the rain
bury the rain

the shadows on the wall
were the only friends you'd see, as
you'd dance and spin in a 
foreign world of dreams
lost in a summer fantasy
burned by words you'd never speak
addicted to bribes and eclipse of pain
oh, lets bury the rain
bury the rain

© vanesadawn

Hello

Welcome to my new blog!

This is a new venture for me-a journey with words.  I live in the mountains of North Carolina and I enjoy writing lyrics & poetry.  Put a pen in my hand & I am happy!  This will be a journal of sorts- where the past meets the present.  Just words of a small town poet.

All Comments Welcome

Creative material on this blog is solely owned by Vanesa Dawn and ©