puddles of pain

everything you are is all i need

when everyone walked you stood by me

all but forsaken, lost in shame

broken, face down in puddles of pain

my memories cloud a sunny day

silence steals words i never say

you love all i am, forgive all i'm not

strength of my battle, cry of my fall

you don't love just parts of me

you love the all

you call me beautiful

say that's what you see

when the dark that lies inside

buries layers of me

forget my mistakes and my stubborn pride

when puddles of pain threaten inside

you're everything love made you be

unconditional to tempermental, dramatic me

overlooking scars of my insecurity

stood by me through my sad insanity

when darkness falls and lights all fade

nothing i do makes you ashamed

you put me together one more time

when puddles of pain threaten inside

Wrote this about a special friendship I had as a teenager, he was there for me when I wouldn't let anyones else in. We drifted apart but he knew me at one time better and deeper than anyone, still means so much to know someone stood by me because they chose to, they didn't have to. 

Illuminate

dark night

throbbing through blue veins

unknown chemicals, crush of pain

words of warfare hold me in place

secrets lie sleeping

beneath sovereign grace

surrounding ruin

neglected need

my abandoned hope exasperates me

don't touch now my silence cries

dark defeat rains from blue eyes

hungered life 

of shadow and light

love is music out loud

only your love will figure me out

I struggle with faith

survive storms of hate

let light illuminate all I can't say

and lift me up

from this unholy place

I still believe there's more than we see

Illuminate me, illuminate me

from this hungered life of

shadow and light

love is music out loud

so let your love figure me out

So many dark nights, of change and happenstance I could not see my way around and sometimes didn't want to, music was the heal that calmed the rage that wanted to win. 

soldier blue

if I could walk back out on that battlefield
with you
would I see what made you bruised,broken
soldier blue
you came home sad and oh so proud
the walls went up, the silence came down
displaced, forgotten that honor knew your name
at home no longer in this world
you would never be the same
river restless,searching, on the move
moonlight and midnight music consoled you
I loved you, too young to tell you
soldier blue...
guarded heart of a patriot
no stranger to that foreign soil
heavy, heavy load of an imperfect, warring world
forgiveness wouldn't make you whole
left your youth on that battlefield
sacrifice haunted your hazel eyes
while stories of glory and ugly unholy
were still living inside
but you followed through
soul bruised, dirty and lonely
soldier blue

Wrote this while thinking about my father who was a World War Two veteran. I did not have my father with me for long. I was not quite seven when he was taken due to a car accident. I know the effects of a young man being in a war far from home missing family and friends coupled with all the drama of a battlefield lasts for a lifetime. I was young but I saw the brooding, the restlessness, the sad ,the aching melancholy my father dealt with.And it brought to light the dark within him and challenged us as a family.Those who serve in military give and lose more than we know, more than they say.

hands

hand in my mouth

wind on my face

cold and misplaced

I'm oblivious to grace

crude poverty 

yeah you know me

won't you let go of me

can't  fly , can't see

that no one can hear me

hands in my pockets

no hands that touch me

hands that don't love me

stronger than i need to be

there's beauty for ashes

first you have to get dirty

knees on the floor

another family war

don't know why too strong to cry

sad, sad season will you ever pass

I'm tired of mysteries

and stories of glass

hands in my mouth

words I'll never say

truth she can be harsh

let them lie where they lay

butterfly in winter, out of place

hand in my mouth, wind on my face

Sometimes what we seek is there ,we just overlook it.

There are times silence saves us from saying too much.

And sometimes where we are is where we need to be, even if it isn't lovely

The poverty I speak of is being denied what is rightfully ours, being denied a voice

in our life, dealing with that, gracefully as possible.

To anyone reading any of my creative efforts on here

THANK YOU!!!

sheltered

been so safe 

I haven't lived at all

I know you mean well

but could you sometimes

let me fall

you wipe my tears

before I cry

just once could I feel my

pain

just a little

can i die

you made a haven for me

but its all just too easy

cause there's something inside

struggling to survive

my dreams of freedom

dying to fly

something's broken, you can't fix it

its beauty has escaped

I don't want to become the beast

I fight

want to be free to walk in the light

don't want to be your forever

don't want to be this sheltered

Love that smothers is never a positive thing. Somethimes our painful whatever must be felt and dealt with personally.No one can do it for us, our pain is ours to feel and grow from,can't hand off to someone else or ignore it.Just part of our story,not all of it.Live bold, strong, in the raw black and white.A beautiful life emerges when we allow the color to emerge from what had to be.

half a breath

summer still feels like yesterday

love sleeps deep

is that what I hear you say?

they say I am gone

but you know the kindest part

of me has stayed

don't jump-don't close your eyes

one day this pain will fade

but I took part of you with me

it will never turn to grey

summer breath, one half a breath

from you

grieve no longer for 

the thing you can't undo

it's a long way to anywhere when 

you feel alone

but you're running so far, so fast

you can't see the one thing

that's meant to last

slow down

listen to your summer song

I still remember you

just want you to know

your wishes hold the stars

up in the sky

still I dream the meadows

we used to roam

a love this deep will never let

you fall

will never let you go

This was written August 8 2013 in my front yard .After cleaning my basement I walked outside and sat down, these were the words that fell from my pen.I believe they were sent from my younger brother Patrick whom I lost May 20 1999.One of the hardest losses I've faced was losing him.