before

caught in a glimmer
of gossamer
just a fragile
butterfly wing...

before the wind on my face
that tangles my hair
before dark summers and
November dared
to still the quiet bell of
a mourning night 
before i was restless
and unproven

before the only place i
could come to you became
a grave
before winter settled in
and never left
before the night crawled
into my veins
and sleep was fragilistic
nocturnal visits whispered
at my forlorn windowpane

before my soul was swept away
before the rain became a crave
before the carving of your name
before the caving of my faith
when sweet water was sweeter

freedom was weightless
and i carried your pain
in my own bones

before i knew houses
weren't home

10-26-2014 
 
 

naked nights

i ordered moonlight
it glanced across your cheek
and mirrored my reflection
in the steel of your eyes

you'll throw down my bones tonight
elegantly
and i will let you
you'll remove my dancing shoes
in a room that smells like
winter

our silhouettes will 
marry the windowpane
and entertain our neighbors 
they've nothing planned anyway

we'll dress our dreams
in clouds of smoke
and watch as they disappear
like ghosts

they will read us like fine
scripts forgotten
brilliant in silence
conversations fluid in inky rapport

as we shake the night loose
from star drift
regret is something 
we won't know

my oblivion

fire caught the words in my throat and i rested in your arms my angel man
we drifted in suspense,  our hearts clapped together a melody of thunder
cocooned in comforters and kisses of wonder blissfully, words unnecessary
in our own heaven , i was lost in the scent, the feel of you,  my eden
happy oblivion 
contour of us on moonlit walls, we were etching our own story 
summer air wafted in drunk off heat of the night...

i may have made you up and you're just a figment of my imagination but i linger in the hopes i didn't
you may be a memory or an inkling of another life or what could have been, maybe just a fragment of future reality
i may have written you improperly, just rainy day prose painting you in my mind in charismatic kaleidoscope's 
i don't know
but i think i heard your naked thought and wanted you more
we heard violins and danced to the cry of them
i do not wish to lose myself in you
but find the heart of us that make us one
i only wish to wake and find you are real my love...

hurry home

bankrupt

we were just a drive in March rain before spring arrived on blue ridge parkway where beauty is still God's creation and you get a glimpse of perfection in perfect form. a little piece of heaven rubs off on you and you're not the same afterward cause you will compare everywhere to here.
fog covered the night and obliterated what was left of the mess of my mind. the rest of the noisy world slipped away and this wet , white blanket was a magical cosmos until it froze and became black ice.  too slippery...turn back now
our wonderful world of mystery became dangerous and your car slipped in circles and we knew we had to walk out of that wonder on our own. 
first we were lovers,  then we became celibate lovers and best friends at the same time. you'd think i'd get a clue and cut you loose but no , not at that time. this night was a metaphor  for our future and i was too young to know, caught up in dreams that must be completed my way.  circumstances be damned i was going to prove i could do this love, we were going to do this love. 
looking back now it wasn't love, it was simply a deep friendship. what could have been had already slipped away. i didn't matter to you and you guiltily agreed without words and guilt for past sins held hostage my freedom.
you held the un- relinquished key. i was going to pay with weighted heart, soul, and regret as deep as the marrow in my bones.
there would be no other way.  i was snowblind and there wasn't any snow.  dead end ahead, but i didn't know.
as icicles formed in my long hair,  i was where i wanted to be.but  love had already vacated,  in its place tolerance and suffocation had already moved in there . my youth had a mind of its own and i was unaware . a life without borders seems to have no direction and spills dangerously into everywhere. when i woke up it was to the penance of my own self created nightmare. 
going nowhere,  growing older.
wrong turns, parkway drives at midnight and i believed i was alive but i was already dying inside . but i couldn't admit it. i would choke on my pride. the most important thing my life was taken on that ride. no not physically , but emotionally, spiritually. i signed my soul away on that night just to prove i was right.
i was so right at being wrong.
the icicles melted but not the consequence of that rainy night drive.
i'm still waiting on someone to tell me i've arrived home,  that i was dreaming , i'm not alone.
but i've never arrived home or at being complete
getting lost in my imagination i never became who i envisioned to be .
mistake of a lifetime extracting too much
now emotionally bankrupt.

October Girl

you'll find her on the last back street in a town named Despair
on her tear stained floor,  lying in her prayer
October's gonna be a long month she says
and I don't know how I'm gonna make it through
the one that once loved me most don't care anymore
so I'm depending on you
I'm steeped in lonely music and my veins are chased with caffeine and rum

you're gonna find her a beauty and she'll always be
she's exposed sensitivity and lost inside a carnival of muted safety
her dreams strip and waltz through in broad open daylight
proud in their nudity
leaves her wishing for the strum of life
she's like summer thunder on a winter day

you'll find her dangling from her yesterday that she can't separate
doubt casts dark shadows on tomorrow
she loved
and was loved dangerously

she once decorated the arm of a man who only made her into a mirage
you'll find her borderline fantastically crazy
her brilliance is amazing
she knows she's forgotten,  just don't know how to forget
all is forgiven but she hasn't been yet

you'll find her at an alter, her tears on fire
heart flat lining but no one cares
she says yes when she means no
stays too long when its time to go
doesn't complain raise hell or Cain
puts up with desperation and only God knows

and they say let it go, just let it go
well who the hell are they and what do they know

you're gonna find her on that last back street
named despair
swallowing down another prayer
October girl , she's everywhere,  going nowhere

in and out of place

she peers into her mirror,  a new wrinkle appeared overnight it seems. she doesn't feel her age and she still walks with a graceful gait.
humming songs that cling to her memory like flashes of satin.
she goes to good will because there she can slip backward and they still play all the oldies reminding her of parking lot lovers and riots with the younger crowd under bridges where they divided their criminal candy.
floral,  that's her. strawberry lips and beehive hair and sandals that show crushed delight in full color on her toes.
she's perfectly in place being out of place. not afraid of the sunlight,  being pale was never her thing.
she tells herself she's still young and wears old cardigans to stay warm. she builds campfires beneath night skies so he can't see her new wisdom lines.
whiskey and gin,  and lots of it.