bones of us

When its all been said and done the last of us has been spoken our song's already been sung
I'm keeping the bones of us
When we can't sleep and dreams turn to rust we're unrealized and we don't trust
All I know boy I'm keeping the bones of us
your letters will fade I'll keep them anyway
I'll sleep and wake up loving you
I'm keeping the bones of us me and you
I'm keeping you boy that became half of me the trembling beautiful agony
I'm keeping the touch, the emersion , the kiss that shook my knees, every fragmented memory
I'm keeping that winter sky when the cold was a blessing and the stars were spangled like crowns above our head
I'm keeping the warmth of faded denim holding me the answer to every dream this girl ever sent up
Yes my love I'm keeping the bones of us
I'm keeping the rain, the song that it was a boy, a girl, an umbrella and blue romantic rain like diamonds in your hair
Your poetry, red floors and painted masquerades fireplaces and piano rain
Oh we were everything
Laughter on midnight air and the magic of unknowing but believing at first sight it was love
Piano rain, a boy, his girl, oh yes
I'm keeping the bones of us

looking for a yes

Victory in fields of green we slipped away unseen
motorcycle run, drone of a blue sky
Young in love kind of high, front porch romance
Kissed me at sundown the sun in your eyes
I held onto you, last year of innocence
We were 17, life didn't make sense
Living in this world, just looking for a yes

Soon they'd force us to follow their rules
We'd have to fit in the mold they laid out for us
We wouldn't get a choice
We'd try to break the monotony of that structured
mold, set free the beautiful lost
We will be a lost cause

They'll write these laws
Our heart won't get a say
Free will has been objected and rejected
So long yesterday
They'll play God, hide their own sin
Big brother's watching us, we can't win

No where to hide or start over again
They'll destroy everything we thought we
could have been
Looking for a yes, but then again

We are the fire, they'll fan the flames
Put us in boxes in lines made of shame
They will hate what they don't 
understand
Throw another stone at the resistance of the preplan

We won't remember being happy
We'll wear black, turn our back
on doors chose for us
Can't make us forget who
and how to love
Still we'll be looking for a yes

flawed

I painted you on my wall
you were beautiful and perfect
I was flawed
I blurred the fantasy, reality disappeared
our lines were crossed
couldn't get you out of my mind
so I kept a little of you here
but all your stars and light
couldn't rid me of my fear

I dream you in colors you will
never see
sometimes things are worse when they're
not what you want them to be
I was seeing blind, I just couldn't see

I've been thinking about
when I had you I couldn't see you
I could never tell you
you were wrong
cause you believed in someone
I couldn't be at all

you were stars and haloed light
but I was flawed
we were never gonna fly
we crawled
I destroyed all we would ever be
never saw the light that died
in the fall
I was only being me
I was flawed

the night knows

dark holes we climb into never looking to see if there is another way
going the wrong way too long then the U turn in our mind
words fail, people fail corruption exists and foils our lovely plans
getting lost in the extreme busyness 
loneliness finds an exquisite calling card engraved for nights you won't sleep
warm memories seep into your room, breathing expands , breath runs away
we lie in cold loveless dirty raining beds of grief
the silent river carves its place aging us with sad young faces
no eraser
the futile sigh goes unheard, unloved in misery
dreaming in color, dying in sepia
walking in crowds alone
living unknown in living rooms that we call home
where love isn't love and freedom is an illusion
and we tell ourselves there is nowhere to go from here
so we write, we create, we dance alone creating circles that only the night knows
 

Ramble

the moon slipped between
the key to the clock was lost
nothing more needed
the loud thrashing
the rebel
burning both ends of the candle
vanilla lips, scent of snow
the storm dying to live
the dance denied will turn to ash
of volcano
her wrath at being robbed
the barter unfair, tasted bitter
the grey unfold
endless winter, sockless shoes
rants at God found no shelter
no gold, weary heavy, broken load
gone before arrival the bloom did not
survive
the silver girl who never learned
to fly, who only knew how to die
the bold, the blaze , the hurricane
strong, mistaken, forgotten, underestimated
lover of rain

little dramas

looking at the ending
a new beginning 
in a newer shade of light
never felt more myself 
when I was by your side

little dramas used to mean
no thing
but it gets kind of old
left alone out in the rain

you used to stain my cheeks
need no makeup for that
just the joy of you in the room
now I'm just a ghost of white
the color died
way back

winter left his mark in place
no shelter for that steel
that residue of you was long erased
by rage and overdue undue bills

little dramas, pretty pills
you would never dance with me
said you never will
need new words to throw at me
I'm trading mountains for new thrills
the house you crave to rule
you will never build
little dramas, indigo battlefields

tragedy

why do you have to break every piece of me
first to throw a stone and shatter everything
make me a tragedy
you're a thunderstorm on my face
words cut so I bleed
destroy one more part
steal another piece of me

my sadness takes root inside of me
sets me up for another senseless tragedy
I can't seem to leave here so I dream here
can't let go of pain that won't let go of me

I listen to the stillness
storm subsides, you're ruthless
fearless in the rubble I'm shattered in your eyes
fearless I will stand again
my mind's a mess
why must you tie my hands
drown my confusion like the rain
sleep with a charismatic kind of loneliness

I can't find where I left myself 
what is it, life
its not what it seems
dying beneath the skin that covers me

"13"

that line was too heavy cause
"13 doesn't know"
dreaming beneath the sky
witness to all your lies
buried the door, the key
"13 doesn't know anything"

rivers inside this girl
who wanted to hide
the plain, the pain
the unspoken denied
the wished for grey
hide me rain
"13 never knew anything"

13 dollars in the wallet
of your last day
13 before the year
mama went forever away
this dreamer if she had knew
would have ran
but...
"13 doesn't know anything"
 

rainy day lover

come to bed now my rainy day lover
we'll leave the day at the windowsill
let's embrace this crazy magic
give in to the toll of loves will
i won't forsake you in your darkness
but i always hunger for one more kiss

hush now, we won't trouble tomorrow
we'll let the day have its say
and i will never be sorry
i let you hold me this way

you and me are all that we need
so don't say anything
just follow my lead
let the rain sing fiercely
on our roof
i'll take everything you give me
that's the truth
i'll hold you till you're bold and strong
and you'll miss me before i'm gone

so come to bed my rainy day lover
leave the world at the windowsill
we'll embrace this crazy magic
give in to the toll of love's will
hush we won't borrow tomorrow
we'll let the day have its say
and you will never be sorry
you let me know you this way


+Lyrics I wrote about a would be imaginary lover, what would it be like to love without consequences. Fall in love unexpectedly on a rainy day.

The Better

you are the thirst in my blood
you are the better
like wine and chocolate
or dreams cloaked in never

your kiss will remember me
your days dream to repeat
the road that built us
disappearing in pure red
insanity

you are in my blood
dancing
never mind what they say
we're only mortal for a time
then we fly away

truth was survival
our miracle
we were never bitter
we just didn't listen
to their rules

silently we knew we'd differ
you are the heat in my blood
you are the better
like air, stars and breath
something that I never
 


+poetry

Tangled

It's a little colder 'round here now
and I can't blame it on the weather
my heart is worn and restless
there are no words to make it better

all that time I wasted
believing it was love
you were only faking
in a little while 
for the last time 
I will let you go

I hear its sunny on the west coast
and they don't miss the rain
you still still smell like the mist in carolina
hey, I was never one to complain

maybe time will separate 
what you tangled up in me
I'll convince myself you were a dream 
if ever I fall asleep

I won't make us into regret
I'll remember now, before I must forget
you were everything but I was 
not enough you said
 

The Page

beautiful hands , music played
red walls, curtain calls
ransom of rumors , winter rage
silence reigns
you're gonna leave it all
on the page

red pens for a poet in pain
notes of passion, April rain
lost between the notes
of the music you craved
between the words you'll never say
you'll leave it all 
on the page

sadness wore a cardigan
wrote goodbye in red ink
no not even earthly  angels 
could put your sadness to sleep

they thought you unholy
blue was your glory
they were so right
you had to be wrong
thought that they knew you
can't sing the words to your songs

It had to be your way
couldn't hear what you wouldn't say
leave it all in red on the page

couldn't sing loud enough
or scream your pain away
you'll leave it all in a red
goodbye on the page
it was music you made


I wrote this after the suicide of Kurt Cobain. This was just a creative outlet, nothing more. No one can know so much about another that they know everything. Even if you didn't like his music he was here, he was a genius in his genre . And hopefully he has found peace.

mask

counted every bite she ate, became a hanger for the clothes she used to love, now she only hates
wore blisters on her heels to wear what men say make them feel, make her more real-
colors chosen, face frozen, paper doll with a heart molted into compartments of a plastic mask



 

BLACK SHEEP

my brilliance is fading and i am left alone
with shadows that no longer thrill my day
the pills don't make me sleep anymore
dreams have wandered away
i am the lost cause i swore i would never be
i have lost purpose, i am a lost black sheep
there is no one to come find me, i am not afraid
or maybe i am too stupid to be
 

this war

looking at myself
unsure of who i see
all the best i gave away
the rest stolen from me
i was looking for freedom
i had already earned
i stood alone in forests
abandoned
and watched that last bridge burn
i could feel the heat
but it did not feel me

wrapped in thin skin
illusion of my own making
trapped in an old soul
take me while i'm open handed
this room knows my ghost
knows more than it should know


leather thoughts tie me here
invisible cords made of fear
look at you, don't know who i see
i want to give you what you can't ask for
i am strongest - i am the one
to end this war