winter wine

beneath the winter tree he kissed his girl
the silence so loud and heavy it split the night
and the moon soaked up their breath
every thought we can't be
vanished
no matter the cost she would be his
he could not part his soul from the shine
in her eyes
and her heart agreed
maps and highways and bonds 
and agreements with God disappeared
his love of her reverent, unearthed
bodies tingled with desire, the beautiful movement
of life breath slipping, sustaining the dance
that was electric
soul, his very soul he could feel it soar
his lips were on fire with the taste of her wine
hands tangled in mahogany silk as regret died
this silver pouring through his veins, this was life
his girl was essence of summer, moonlit walks
in midnight snow
she was shelter, heat, strength and hope
gathering her to himself
his love, this angel he had prayed into existance
two hearts dancing a thousand dances
in a blue and gold night
tomorrow would wait
now was his to give to his temptation
his vibrant transparent poetry
in the flesh
his winter wine

pages of me

I read graffiti left on cement halls
summer is the perfect illusion
though it has came many times
slant of sunlight is different I notice
on red walls
my dreams have a life of their own
they just haven't made their mind up 
yet...
the world is a large place and I have resigned
myself I won't get to see a lot of it
there are loves I have never touched
my songs wait in boxes for voices
to sing them
for music to live them
I still write letters to my parents
they are no longer here
I still mourn them
I don't really expect anyone to understand me
hope refuses to die, I can't kill it
some days I am a recluse
and I am fine with that
I like the way rain feels on my face
and how it sounds late at night on a tin roof
a midnight lullaby
there's nothing like the fragrance of a 
warm southern night
when I can't sleep I write
music is my heal and my crave
and as many times as I try to rewrite 
the story 
it always ends the same

Your Girl

 selfish
and you never could see me
she was always between
never could you see how fearless I can be
never would you touch me
your words never loved me
and you left me...
selfishly

no time for conversation
or my foolish dreams
days of summer passed
like blurred impossibility
did you ever love me
cause you never said
wish I'd told you I love you
but I never did

no white picket fences
to define my innocence
no one by my side to come to my defense
maybe I was young and reckless
didn't know just where to turn
was I selfish for wanting you to myself
just once

and I'm a little angry
cause I was your girl
and I got left behind in a crazy
broken world

tears ran like a river
in my ears
crying in my bed
my dreams evaporated in thin air
when she stole the words I never said

I am a middle child, a middle daughter as well. Sometimes I just wanted to be seen, or heard, sibling rivalry does it ever end ?
 

Green

boring existance

innocence behind 

losing everything

for nothing

blind to the show

and the reel runs on

the dream is 

sometimes we're already 

living the dream

reaching for more

losing all

life doesn't always bring

happy news

neither does a far reached for thing

boredom still exists

and pulls us apart

for all we were

all we miss

all we lost

left everyone behind to live your dream

play in the big show

sit in rooms painted green

going fast cause that's better than slow

pretense is the door, won't get better

we'll have to come back down for more

of what we try to escape for

all the reveries, memories and dreams

society rules expects more than

this extreme

we're just green

 

liars kiss

bought every lie from your beautiful lips
you were cruel and teasing
felt it in your kiss
so what if you brought me down
i listened for violins that never played
walked through hell alone
what better wine is this
bought some time with all your lies
stole me with your kiss
you were gone before tomorrow came
i was blinded by your lust
pandora's secret shame
the player's partners always change
i was hungry for love
its not the lover i miss
just the heat of a liars kiss


just a poem

circles

tin roof dances a sad lullaby

falling on the roses you planted

their petals bleeding on the ground

bend enough and they'll survive

I know I'm past our dream as 

circles of the fan erase time gone by

thunder has been seated at my table

I bid the hand I'm played

I'm falling behind

sorrow's turning cold

tomorrow my fate holds

I walk and I wait  while those crazy 

shadows play

peace don't seem to know me anymore

assure myself I'll be okay

inside my castle the candle dances

I'm just the one you won't let in

happy sounds of life drift all around me

I only hear the sound of our love dying

an hourglass, a circle span, the time fall

circles of a dance forsaken after all

+poetry

Genie

last night scenes on living room floors

no reset button for those broken hearted souls

lives were on fire

innocence died in hands of ordinary

lost in discord is the death of harmony

dreaming to live, cause there's no way out

praying for a new life, new continuity

shadows were comfort covered in blue veins

the bleed was meant for power

no kisses for pain

they close their eyes to see,and hear simple prayers

from children with no place to be

familiar with loneliness, neglectability

lost the author of beauty, simplicity

you'll never come, they watch the driveway

it will remain empty

pain is alive in the air they breathe

trusted the discipline of the guardian

which only deceived

too strong to cry, inside destiny bleeds

wishing for that genie in a bottle...

+poem

belong

we belong to everything around us

every raindrop, every storm

every sunrise and sunset

pockets of silence, winds of chance

the sky, the beautiful ever watching sky

moon in all her glories

the paths we take or forsake

the sounds of nature, of a snowflake

light of dawn, electrical lightning

scents of autumn, colors she wears

we belong to every star

every tree we ever hug or ignore

scent and bloom of every flower

the grass beneath our feet

the dreams we sleep

every tick of the clock

every cloud , every forest

oceans and her tides,highs and lows

the sigh of winter, first blush of spring

heat of summer, hush of fall

we belong to it 

we belong to it all

10-25-2011

 

 

rainy day game

my rainy day game
I write love notes on your
windowpane
hope before you see they'll disappear
just like me you never knew
I was here

all the forbidden , all the forgiven
I'll write it all down
it will be between you and me
and that wet windowpane
and that silver, simple thing
they call rain

everything we were and were not
you pretended to listen but
I was already forgot
I pray for winter to freeze my words
make it all a hazy blur

those rivers of sadness come every so often
the sad of you is welcome
cause its part of you, my autumn

time is a martyr
we were just a timeline
the rain won't wash away
all my pretty, dark, destined words
I'll never get to say

rain, rain, wash away
all I'll never get to say
rain, rain don't you go away
until you wash it, wash it all away

those rivers of sadness come every so often
the sad of you is welcome
cause its part of you, my autumn

This is lyrics to a song I wrote last summer.
#lyrics

still here

life has sank me to my knees

I have risen

I have cried rivers of tears

but I still know how to smile and mean it

been back stabbed, cheated on, lied to

lied on, betrayed and abandoned

left breathing in a world where not one gave a damn

I'm still here

had days where words would not come

no not even prayer

silence held me, I'm still here

lost track of seasons, old before I was old

tired beyond tired

I'm still here, I did not die

not afraid of dying, I've been dying all my life

childhood evaporated leaving me in the hands of

anothers misery yet I did not quit

believing in wonder and mystery...

lost more than I can say

robbed of youth, denied the truth

but secrets don't die they rise up to greet you

family wars, emotional scars generations old

I still have warmth in my heart

I did not grow cold

the more they took the more I gave

saved by faith, live by grace

never will my dreams bend by fear

not afraid of darkness

I'm still here

There's not a lot about the dark I don't know, so I summed it all up in this poem of sorts .Whatever we go through we have a choice to stay in the place frozen where life puts us or rise even if we only have enough space literally or figuratively to do so. Each time all I had on my side was the ability to rise, even if it was only an inner rising.

Winter Grace #lyrics

found out I'm not a girl from venus

every love isn't meant to last

trying to fix a hurt not mine to fix

burning slow, running in place

for you I was never good enough

another someone in a loveless love

found myself walking on a highwire

living in a space that just gets smaller

no one to save me from myself

faithless winter left me cold

walking in circles nowhere to go

your kind of love put me on my knees

praying to a god I cannot see

and his winter grace covers me

treading rocky waters

feel them sinking my soul

drowning but reaching for

life's changing hope

don't have to tell you who I am

saving myself because I can

you can't love me I'm alright with that

now  know I'll take that next step 

no more looking back

that faithless winter left me cold

walking in circles nowhere to go

that kind of love kept me on my knees

and his winter grace covers me

12-11-2013

doors

doors without knobs

that never reach the top

doors with peeling paint

that won't close or lock

with a sign that says keep out

doors for privacy

and for shutting others out

doors that hold us prisioner

doors only we can open

but choose not to

opportunity knocks

dare we open that door

doors that belong to us

that no one else has a right

to open

no trespassing

doors to the past with inside slide shows

to all our glorious, painful moments

moments that made us who we are

and who we are not

its not what we forget

but all we remember

pieces of us

memory the key to all our doors

Sometimes we lock ourselves away from intrusions that are unwanted,withdrawing to sustain.

Sometimes we're locked inside, or outside as a necessity that no one understands So needing

 time to figure it out we must put safe distance in place. The door is a metaphor, up to us to close it or open it at will.