wasting in white noise

while waiting on sleep to visit I glued some elephants together
I took pictures of lightning and shrunk the sky to fit the lens of an iPhone camera
my cold breath became the color of white prayer and was orchestrated  into a winter sunset 
I buried your name in a bottle and marked a grave for it
then I got homesick for the way light used to glow beneath our door
I was drenched in memory by the way we slept on Sunday's when it rained
Now I miss getting lost in the sound of your breathing, my white noise lullaby
I said farewell to the mail you left on the counter, spoke the word hello into a phone that never even rang
I set an extra place at the table for pain and wrote a hymn for those adorning stars 
I turned my mind and the moon upside down, listened to Delilah on the radio dial and lost myself in the confusion of lost loves and the delusional take me back theme of the night
I wondered what it was like to be in love with a man named Bogart
and counted the names of those who don't love me anymore
As my muse slipped and tripped out of the bottle to the back door I finally closed my eyes and said goodbye to all the old monsters and 
familiar ghosts
Love is a hyphen, now just a glimmer of a forgotten, secret unused password 

she misses him

she misses the candy cane lazy days
of freedom
now is a portal to the grass blades
she mindlessly slips through her lips
and the taste of blood reminds her
she didn't learn the last time
therefore repeat

she misses the lace that used
to thread through her dark hair
the wind catching and sailing
it on moonlit walks
her feet bare on magic summer
earth
she misses him

she misses roads so close
to heaven it looked like 
God himself
forgot he put them there
she misses books read beneath
a hundred year old oak
that had grown so tired
of sheltering
that even it had drawn a
weary breath and split

she misses her love
the one who never knew
she ever missed him

moving on again

we can choose what we let change us

and the beauty of timing is we don't see it in full color

the mistakes we choose

we don't always know the ending or even see the beginning of whatever's coming

the night brings out what the day won't let the shadows speak

we dream or don't dream on pillows beside those who don't or can't love us

we wrap up war,  excuse it in love and fight for things in ten years time won't matter or be remembered

our feet will grow tired on journey's that were set in motion by kindness or ignorance, sometimes fear

romance dies and we look the other way

don't want to be alone

small victories earned that no one knows about 

losses and failures add up but no one knows about that pain we tell ourselves

belonging

must I blush
to prove to you
I am real

can you see me
from behind the
dirty lens
will you believe
the distortion
and choose to try
to break what about me
you don't understand

do you want to
spit on me
polish me
claim the tidbits
of me that you
appreciate
maybe take credit
for a moment of
weakness in a night
of dark forlorn, then
write a check for all
you leave broken

take the smear that
my lipstick left
on your greedy mouth

is my heart heavy
enough to weigh you
down
to the bottom of 
where you know
you don't belong

turn the lights off

he shrugs off every word she says
says I must live before I'm dead
don't paint on me an angel's wings
cause I can't sing that song you sing
you see what you want to see 
are you sure it's me you see
these walls are closing in on me
I'm disappearing as we speak
turn the lights off when you leave

she said you think you know
where I belong
you make the rules I play along
you don't ask you just plan
but I can't walk this line you've planned
how can I make you understand

a shouting match that no one wins
leaves them doubting everything
she walks away with one less friend
from his verbal list of who loves who
cause after all she can't blame you

if love has a blueprint then we don't fit
too many rules so counterfeit 
wordless she just walks away
after all he's had his say

he says take it all
but turn the lights off on your way

 

 
 

blink

everything beautiful
fades
does that mean
it finds escape
if you close your
eyes
the moment's gone
sweet chariot arrives
too late
and the story escapes
the pretty flow
because you blinked

rain shoes

Kissed me in Autumn
my shadow seemed a
little smaller
my lips a little
redder
the sun slowly
disappeared behind us into
a fuzzy oval orange glow
and raincoats were what I
was thinking of
while I was barefoot
in crimson leaves
I forgot where I left
my shoes