November Sunshine

rain falls down
a sad goodbye sound
i'm lying on your bed 
in the quiet now

in thread of silence,  goodbye unsaid
black and white the past
heavy in my head

little brother spins his top
in raindrops by the door
sister counts her days of grief
with marbles in a jar
rocking chair blue
mama's in another world

and it's raining on the preacher man
he's down on the floor praying
dripping on his face the sky falls down
but there's no grace in this place
and his faith won't drown
he thinks i'm worth saving
beneath a sky that just caved in
god is it ever gonna stop raining

no november sunshine, no butterfly high
just broken dreams, broken door, broken sky
butterfly don't you wanna fly
butterfly don't you wanna fly

now snow's stealing in my window like a thief
when all i wanna do is sleep away my grief
in your snow covered bed three blankets deep
but if i close just close my eyes
i can still hear mama cry

butterfly don't you wanna fly
butterfly don't you wanna fly


For some reason I can't explain I had to come back to clarify this poem. Have you ever been in a place of pain or grief that you felt you couldn't stay and you couldn't leave. This poem addresses how I felt when my father died. I was three months from being seven and left with a gap in my heart and my life that no one else would ever fill. This poem is  not about getting high or drugs but being in a place where nothing can reach you especially as a child and you don't have the words. 
On November 23rd will the the anniversary of his leaving. Tomorrow November 21st will be the anniversary of my mothers passing. I will always be fourteen when I think of her. I can tell you I still miss the place they would have held in my life. Just one conversation as a grownup or a simple cup of coffee I will never get to experience. If you still have parents you are so lucky.
Thank you for reading, maybe this poem will make a little more sense, peace and blessing to all - Vanessa