stories of glass

is forgiveness hidden in your pocket
where do you hide the light of day
how do you see through me

what is it that you cheat
why are you always
running away

my lonely won't rub off
on you
i'll beat this silence
you won't hear a word

and the days will pass us
my skin will forget
my soul will not

you were the most sacred
thing i ever knew

the stars will fall
our picture too
the smiles we smiled
together
will burn

midnight won't cultivate
our whispers
the bed will remember
our story

and time will pass
we will too
we are stories of glass

Brighter

brought you wildflowers
for your thirst
moths to eat you thoughts
that cursed
drowning girl in the middle
of a drought
the dirt feels good on your skin

what's it all for you say
dreams eating up your days
night screams for things
your past embraced 
written words on the wall
paint can't erase

chance meetings - skinny skin
magic and moonlight the
smile of an old friend
transparent color of forgotten sin
remember every finger pointed at you
will eventually point back at them

you burn brighter in the rain
you've became friends
 

sugar lies

when the feeling was a lie
the past a poem i had to write
the dream was burying
i couldn't let it die
 
when the walls were made of air
i didn't know you didn't care
fear built her throne,  darkness her stairs 

footsteps forward on crumbled glass
sky upturned on this broken mess
confusion partied in my mind
paralyzed i believed every line

when breath was anything but life
hell was on earth destroying 
us from inside
spoon fed trivialty , boxed up sorrow
drowning dreams
no more, no more
honesty screamed

when your feelings was a lie
seated pretty, eating your time
pain woke you up, light spit truth
into your mind
 
don't read that script
don't believe what you see
its not reality

when the passion was a lie
addicted to the heat you
fell asleep to an imagined
lovers lullaby

restless

we're just a little lost - we are
no lullaby
baby its just rain
they cancelled out the sun
sold our stars now we're 
counting quarters from strangers
hoping for something deeper
something better

too many battles
and chemicals in our water
euphoric from our dancing
forgetting what comes after

we'll survive the rumors cause
we know our friends
we can take the night train
to somewhere we have never been

youth will kiss us and claim us
jealousy will cut us, rename us
we're too busy but the sky loves us
they'll call us crazy, we're just restless

November Sunshine

rain falls down
a sad goodbye sound
i'm lying on your bed 
in the quiet now

in thread of silence,  goodbye unsaid
black and white the past
heavy in my head

little brother spins his top
in raindrops by the door
sister counts her days of grief
with marbles in a jar
rocking chair blue
mama's in another world

and it's raining on the preacher man
he's down on the floor praying
dripping on his face the sky falls down
but there's no grace in this place
and his faith won't drown
he thinks i'm worth saving
beneath a sky that just caved in
god is it ever gonna stop raining

no november sunshine, no butterfly high
just broken dreams, broken door, broken sky
butterfly don't you wanna fly
butterfly don't you wanna fly

now snow's stealing in my window like a thief
when all i wanna do is sleep away my grief
in your snow covered bed three blankets deep
but if i close just close my eyes
i can still hear mama cry

butterfly don't you wanna fly
butterfly don't you wanna fly


For some reason I can't explain I had to come back to clarify this poem. Have you ever been in a place of pain or grief that you felt you couldn't stay and you couldn't leave. This poem addresses how I felt when my father died. I was three months from being seven and left with a gap in my heart and my life that no one else would ever fill. This poem is  not about getting high or drugs but being in a place where nothing can reach you especially as a child and you don't have the words. 
On November 23rd will the the anniversary of his leaving. Tomorrow November 21st will be the anniversary of my mothers passing. I will always be fourteen when I think of her. I can tell you I still miss the place they would have held in my life. Just one conversation as a grownup or a simple cup of coffee I will never get to experience. If you still have parents you are so lucky.
Thank you for reading, maybe this poem will make a little more sense, peace and blessing to all - Vanessa

thunderbird heart

her heart could hear the rush, the roar
it was more than a car
backseat lovers, coveting stars
he made her tremble, made her sigh
but she could never deny his
thunderbird heart

dirt roads and dreams
silence drips
silver moonlight in every 
champagned cup they sipped
 
wild and reckless
he was precious
sang her soul's alleluia 
his touch a vice around her neck
left her hungry for more than
she would ever get

she was his dark, beautiful
temptation ,  sweet still on the vine
he was heart throbbing dangerous
her nineteenth summer wine

now just a picture show
a sip of time, fading gray
a vintage reel of yesterday
but the bough of ever after
always breaks
still he leaves her breathless
bold and restless

left her Plath and took his Trane
no more love songs about the rain
she still dreams of the rush and the roar

it was more than a car

dysfunctional me

i say the right thing at the right time
say what he wants to hear
i'm of service i'm of use
whenever he is near

make some sunshine for me

you're a beautiful daydream
but my time is not my own
i'm daddy's little princess
safely tucked away at home 

so come ease my bleeding fear
and forgive these childlike tears
we'll whisper words of love that's 
forbidden here

to disagree is a sin
no one to beak my fall
i answer when he calls my name
he don't know me at all
i am his illusion, that's all i'll ever be
he could never love or understand
what he can never see

save some sunshine for me

so tell me what to wear
and how to wear my hair
then tell me to get lost
how no one really cares
tell me i'm a dreamer
and that's all i'll ever be
no one can love or understand
dysfunctional me

maybe i'm a dreamer
and that's all i'll ever be
i pray God can love and understand
dysfunctional me