cancelled

you have grown beneath
the cells of my skin
I have learned to be invulnerable
and bottle us up like a
vintage wine

it is taking too long to
imagine
we are not real
but my cheek remembers
how your goodbye was
whispered into my skin

and I dreamed you were
with me
but now that memory
is erased
cancelled
lost so delicately

Temporary Skylines

temporary positions
temporary elation
temporary skies
that choose to cry

temporary happy
selling stories
who will buy
these tortured souls
on pretty paper
shallow alibies

temporary sensitivity
nurse another aching
lie
cause being sober is
an addiction too you say
being averse to being high

temporary angels
temporary lives
temporary suffering
excusing wrong
can't dignify
our temporary skylines

 

Dusty Roads

I once lived in a house of wood and stone 
the walls were paper and I was in the middle
being alone
Fenced in by words and the what might happen
fear was a guest and came over often
Winter was a whistle and a wonder of 
beautiful frozen freedom
It always looks different when you're on
the inside freezing
Words were a game, secrets were hidden
I was young 
Guardians weren't looking
I fell and the fall was so loud, damage
unmistakeable
But angels were too busy with their
chaos at their own boardroom table
I slipped through the intangible net
living by just breathing and that's 
what happened when no one paid attention
Summer was a haunted scent full of roses
that begged to be taken but their thorns
were too sharp and left my hands bleeding
and shaking
Forsaken in sunlight, just another wild rebel child
with a hungry heart still beating
Small like a whisper and simply
disappearing
I just wanted you to see me but those
dusty roads left us wanting
left you choking 
Seven walking the same foot carved path
Divine intervention would separate them

Goth

her lips the color of a bruise
she takes imaginary sky walks 
has roadside conversations with 
strangers about the things we lock
inside ourselves for too long
like how cemeteries are far more
sad in December and you hold 
your breath a little deeper 
when you walk by

but pain is a good thing
she says
reminds you of who you were
who you never want to be
again
and the roses are dying

she believes in every sky
she's ever inhaled
every dream she ever dreamed
every prayer she took time to
pray
she's not running away

she can tell you 
how to end up lonely
but she wouldn't advise it

I give you rain

go on fold the night
but
leave the light on in your eyes
the season of questions are upon us
is it love
the stay or the go
the restless,  jealous
the impossible summer
snow
the careless drift desired
intricate as breath
open doors that wait
to be acknowledged
instead of a rose
I give you rain

wide awake

It's 2:38 in the morning and I'm wide awake dreaming on your pillow
the lamp light is soft but I prefer the light in your eyes
but you're not here so I'll improvise
and tell myself you're somewhere wide awake dreaming of me too

everything we said we'd be has turned into a shadow 
I think we've forgot that time alters all that isn't gold
I'm wide awake sleeping in your sweater
hell, love I'm not even cold

I still know how to make you smile
you still have me in your pretty words
I'm not going anywhere at all

I just want to dream awake for awhile and remember the nights we held each other through
and I recall
the scent of our days like a bottled burgundy Autumn in a bottom drawer somewhere

night talk

on a lilac  scented summer night as
a pink sickle moon sailed overhead we traded
sunlight for Johnnie Walker and star drift
as we drank  you said you were going to
bury your pain, I would be witness

you talked of your brother, how you
loved him, hated him and would hold
grudges for life that only love would 
destroy- brothers for life but deeper
you sighed like you were tired and you 
were too young to carry the world
couldn't carry one more thing
you were your own brand of rebellion

your freedom was built in your driveway
a metal dream, a sky blue '66 Chevrolet Camaro
a radio for company as you sang Summer
Breeze like you were already on the road
far away from this small town and all its 
causes that would only try in vain to rob
you of your youth, your vitality, slow your
pace , drain your soul of any would be dreams

you took the guard rails down that held your
heart together and your mouth shut
you said you thrived on darkness for too long
but only because it was safer and the wind seemed 
softer on your skin at night
you took down your pretense that night
and let me see the real and the raw

ashes rose into the sky as you emptied out
your suitcase full of letters and let their
ransomed, poisoned words burn and fly like night 
kites
we danced around the fire without music or reason

you said you didn't know if you believed in a
heaven, asked if I believed
looking at the most profound, beautiful man I
had ever known
I whispered that yes I did