No Regret

the fairies are bored

the poets' are playing in the

graveyard...

the moon is gothic tonight

totally disappeared 

where are you dear?

the priest is by the riverbed

you're listening to the stereo

in your head

the crows are fighting over food

the indigo night boys are 

a beautiful testimony

but hey -

Lucifer was beautiful too

the angels are choking on

all the birds you breathed out

the poems in you too deep to die

so it's time now dear

to kill all your fear

doubt is a sickness

it don't belong here

the highway is waiting

the sky a seamless dream

regret ?

well you don't have time 

for any such thing 

Thanks for all of you who read, I truly appreciate you. And big thanks especially to my twitter family who actually share my posts, I am most honored that you do that, means everything - take care of yourself, chase no one, chase no thing, be blessed. Much love- Van 

© August 2020 

Jupiter's Existence

Is it the weakness
the attachment
Is it replacing 
that emotional blanket

Is it the fear - that ruins you my dear
Is it the healing
Is it love if -
drama collides
when it's not needed

Is the passion or the letting go
Is it breathing too fast when
you're all alone

Is it the purpose
Jupiter's existence
Isn't it pretty pathetic
this crush of resistance 

The arrival or the departure 
The passed up repentance 
The lost conversations
Forcing that distance

The betrayal of the liars condition
The movement of shadow
The light
The rebel's remission
The dreaming frequency 
or the milky moon rising 

So what ... we're no longer wishing


So if you're reading this, I hope whatever is in your way you realize you are better than all the resistance you're facing. If you're walking alone just remember not everyone has the strength to do that. You can. You don't need anyone's permission to be the real you, you're really ok. And sometimes that's all we need to be to get through another long tough day or somewhat weary battle. Take care of you, the rest will follow. Thanks for reading -  Van 

Disappear

what shall I burn for you today
food, air, water, regret?
shall you trick light to believe
it is an alter built of sky
will you try and reach me with all
your imagined fears and muddy hands
while commanding a thunderstorm
to wash them in ?
like that kind of darkness owes you 
anything
did someone ever hold you close
feeling goodness slip away ?
you've gotten used to feeling lonely
and most days you don't hear
a human voice say your name
I see you boldly carrying the world
on your back
your walk is a run and you're running
alone
fast paced with eyes that haunt
hungry for remnants of the world
that don't touch you


I wrote this about a boy I went to school with. he is seen almost daily (although I haven't seen him lately) walking through the sidewalks of our town, his backpack thrown over his shoulder. Children love him, most adults tolerate his presence and most prefer to ignore his existence.
But his eyes are like blue lightning, and he has a love for life, nothing seems to keep him down, he is a warrior that carries his share of pain, rejection.
I do not know for sure what his diagnosis was or is. I do know he is a kind, unassuming, and gentle soul. I do know he makes me want to be a better person. Every time I've saw him he keeps me in check, and I am grateful for his visual thread of a surreal presence in my life. 

Breathe Boy Breathe

yours was an unfair start
placed your hands in a messy heart
who lit the fire 
you or her

you were a bridge boy
dark eyed, broken dreams
bad news for the girls
that would love you
including me

a wish list of the future
memory of the past
breathe boy breathe
that future's coming fast

a flame storm
a lover born
too beautiful to die alone 
too beautiful to die alone

stolen story
rearranged in their picture frames
chose a new name
who's to blame
who's to blame

who lit the fire
you or her
who wrote the script
who won the war

when you were looking at 
those last photographs
were you satisfied with your past
breathe boy breathe
your future's coming fast

did you whisper a prayer for God 
to come near
did you forgive her
'cause I never will

the smoking room
burning eyes
but no one's by your side
breath measured out
silenced everything

at times I go back
remember all you were
still don't know
who lit the fire
you
or her ?

© May 27 2019 Vanessa Peterson 

Sick Love

the giving
pilfering
agony of sick love
the confession
I want no thing
to cure it
thin skin
thick desire
the art of us
cocooned beneath night stars
and misty strawberry moon glow

© May 1 2019
Sorry to those who have informed they that you've been here looking for new postings. Truly the last year has been a switch up for me. After raising my three children I re-entered the work force. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but I feel I have gained some ground and will be able to post more writings. 
I realize some of you are not on blogger and can't leave comments  but if you'd ever like to reach me you can do so here vanesadawn@gmail.com 
I do appreciate your views and as long as one reads I will write. Take care - Van Peterson

Out

I'm a messy daydreamer
a sleepy wanderer
the sky is gray
the trees all break
I'm already half asleep
it's only eight
window is open
wind is whispering
wish I was whispering
to you
I'm not cold
yet I'm all covered up
my lips are closed for the day
no kiss for my love
my hands ache
I'm hungry for something
that don't fit on a plate
I'm looking for something
don't think that it's here
wish you were here
can you forgive me
I'm perfectly out of line
I sleep to escape
I sleep to waste
time
this white pasted version
they demand of me -
well on paper I'm impossibility
but I hope that you're happy
better clear up this darkness 
I never tell you about
it's too easy being
what everyone doubts
I only want out
I'm not sorry I love you
just that you can't see
how fractured I am
wish you could see
I'm too good at hurting
to be good at anything else
I'm just an old movie with
an old laugh track
passionate in blue
there's no escape
no going back -
No out 


When you hurt for everything you ever loved, for everything you ever lost there are those who never could understand how simply trying to live from a true place in this world will bruise your sensitive soul -  Vanessa

Never Ever

buried deeper in
the softest parts in
attic beds, our summered hearts
replicated, repeated 
but
"was it ever love?"
she wonders
or just temple of imagined
girlhood dream 
an uprooted fantasy

sweet oblivion of youth but
when time makes us pay
and our eyes grow iridescent from passion
"will it ever change?"

with determined resignation, he said
"it'll never change"
"never ever?"
"never ever my love - never ever"



Immortal in words, the love of all our never ever.