Memorist Goes Back Home

light fell across the room so beautifully
where you used to sleep
the last place I would have you next to me
the rooms were bigger then
maybe because we had love living in them
our path is gone
the door was locked
the windows dirty but I brushed them off
and looked back across the years
looking for a trace of us 
and of course you weren't there
the spring house was abandoned too
where I used to scoop cool water
out for you
the road was new, the gravel gone
so too the oak tree roots I read
"Seventeenth Summer" on
I looked around me lost in memories
"Summer Breeze," coming from my brother's
bedroom window blowing down the stairs
that song still touches me
your pretty flowers all gone now
your garden's just a tangled meadow full
of weeds but still remain a few old lovely trees
I saw my bedroom, empty now, nothing there
but I remember rain song on that old tin roof
still needing no repair 
vines have stolen up the side where lilacs used to grow
and fragrance the night outside our windows
and the porch where you used to sit with your coffee
and your cigarette, well it's still there not destroyed yet
the sun was still beating down the silence
so hot, hungry and heavy
the desperation that you surely felt
I could feel it swallow me
the mailbox gone
the fence is too
the clothesline now removed
I came back looking for something of you
but now I know it's not around the curve
that my mind keeps coming back to
in my heart that's where you reside
where this memorist shelters you

Have you ever felt a place pull you backward in time ? Some places hold so much of who we were, clues of who we are going to become. I felt the urge to go home once more to the last place I lived with my mother and siblings. It still felt like home but I realized later that it wasn't the home I was looking for but those that are gone from me and maybe I was trying to connect to the girl I was that was on a different path, wondering what would have been different if things had turned out opposite the way it did. How different would my life have turned out? I don't think I'll return again, what or who I'm looking for is no longer there but in my memories.