You Should Have Loved Better

you are an aging beauty on canvas
the grooves of your favorite songs
always sticking
but rain doesn't explain or excuse itself
just hangs out where and whenever it wants
why can't you?

fires that love built
love that fire destroyed
but the sea says "I know"
and turns night fears into 
a sweet lullaby

the breath of that lover
that you never wanted to leave
rivers you run back to
for all the stories you were
remind you of pretty theatre 
bauble lights
but now they've exchanged
the old seats that belonged to
all the old lovers in your town

and now the hummingbirds
are quiet, escaping like pretty confetti of
old songs and laughter
then the sound of crushed wing

you disappear so easily
in quiet reverie
no one knows where to find you

you ate pills
but the pain remained
sleep was an addiction
and God sat by you as you escaped
sleeping
dreaming of your mama's
vintage red lipstick and her
restlessness
her cool aloofness
the detached
part that's became attached to you too
held hostage in elegant reflection
you see her face, never your own
you are fading and you allow
your lovers to own the way you walk
why?

but you're a dreamer
in slow motion falling into a moonset
in an orange dawn
where words are sacredly forbidden
because the steps to a heaven you
were sure of fell apart

you were beautifully adored
strangely broken
left alone to heal
have you forgotten how he left you
nine months pregnant
sleeping on a mattress in your sister's floor
you gave too much for nothing
'cause he never even flinched
his hands were too full of all
he was taking
you were just a second hand
used up heaven...

you should have loved better