Rivers and Mirrors

it's not easy to remain quiet when all you want to do is scream
it's a nightmare when all you want to do is sleep but the red hot creeping memories refuse to lie down and you tear at your own skin
the drama is a slow kill and you're not amused anymore
your heart is weary and you're tired as the comfort zone has been stretched too far for your body to know of its existence
pretty girls in fancy clothes on classy streets have songs for memories but
when was life ever clean for you girl
it's not easy when you think too much, a film always running its frames in the back of your mind and your heartbeat is irregular
the answers are too heavy to carry
sometimes
afternoons used to smell like strawberry jam and homemade biscuits and you were safely tucked into the hymns she sang so reverently
but that river don't run anymore
your heart cries like a child for a blanket and begs for amnesia 
your mind just wants a break and your thirst clamors for more than chemicals to drink
you're starved for beauty but years of un- justice do you no service
heaven is a room filled with scented flowers
but you haven't any
you're sure your hands are empty but they're always busy
you're scared but don't know why, the rain makes you smile, the sun makes you cry
you'd die for your dream but your bones are aching and where's the alchemy
your wallets empty, truth is cremating and the dust of her dirty presence is just too plenty
and you walk in mazes in the home you carry in your dreams just to prove you still can
too many bullets and cold cases , nothing will ease your aching head but they tell you time heals everything but its all just a scar waiting for the wrong moment to ripen and rip it free so it has power to keep you on your knees
hungry for your mother's hands that haven't touched you in years
you miss your father but his dreams drowned in a river
just too much heartache for that girl you see in the mirror