broken paths

my prayer has broken knees
i can see the catholic cross reaching heavenward from the bedroom window
shiny metal reflecting silver spirituality into the Carolina blue sky

i am trying to make sense of my life

so i walk in forests to remember the last walk i took with my father and the smell of autumn that surrounded him
i plant flowers just like my mother
i listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd to feel close to my brother

i absorb loneliness, its a quiet tomb

i question everything
sometimes i feel ignorant
i want to feel the pulse of life with wonder and i know its amazing i even got to be here

i am not ready for that tunnel...
i strive to understand the shadow,  to walk in the gray that seems so shallow and to know imperfection as a teacher
i want to accept the broken paths that pain built

i know nothing can change what has transpired
life won't allow me to hide
but if i let light breathe
and darkness sleep 
i may find it was all worthy as my soul struggles with these personal wars at these ungodly hours

i have no doubt it will win