sad boy journal

mama did you find all the sin in my room
dirty mishaps untouched by your broom 
mama did you read what i wrote from my veins
were you shocked or saddened
do you feel my pain

mama you don't know me anymore
i'm a young man
no longer your little boy
can't buy my happiness
with a toy

and i've colored outside the lines
blurred and reset some tiny white lies
and i was happy for a time
i was yours and you were mine

mama did you find my broken truth
all these pretty colors inspired
by melodramatic you
did you clean my handprint from the wall
replace the light that just don't work there in the hall

mama did you read my poetry
all the words i've never dared to speak
left over scars that you can't see
beautiful mama do you still believe in me

cause i laughed at midnight
and i drank my fear
and i've never shed an unearned tear
i never planned to drop your hand 
you've been my saving grace and
no one will ever take your place

mama you've been so patient with me
love me unconditionally
you've never seen what others choose to see
mama do you still love me
cause i've been a little angry

and if you read these words its ok
we'll pretend you didn't anyway

i finally opened up my veins and let them speak...
 

Catch

fingers intertwined with
fascination
shaking, sinking, no stopping
this kind of thinking

labeled and discarded
imported
like the shadow you know
you see at 2 am

there is no more home
can't rewind that winter scene
that took you away

your lover never knew you
kissed your flesh
tasted you so thoroughly 
you were only
kindling
paper fire

just sweat on his back
in winter
sweltering thick,  dark air
faceless in a mirror

settled for crumbs
of a summer rogue
passing caution points
you let yourself go

you were his crimson crime
on salty sheets
he said you were his everything
what more would he have you 
believe

you wanted him
an imprint of 
the perfect catch

thing is now - there is
only a catch in your breath

 

the drill

pain fields and blistered heels
sunburned souls
dangerous love that never feels

promise that you'll never tell
staring at stars
walking through hell
born to sing the broken songs
born with a soul,  a broken one

southern nights and the dry crusty cry
of cicadas screaming
and you lie awake and wonder
what the boy next door is dreaming
or who

cremating old love letters
clenching past glory not getting
past the old mistakes
breaking to give,  moving past now
future waits

childhood hope is a drill
and her bit is bent and shrill
leaving one hanging on the blade 
of what won't and who will

whippoorwill sings and moonlight stands still
and the sensitive soul can only feel
yet I am stronger than any weakness you
imagine in me

THE STORY OF GLORY TO THE BOYS

This is a new kind of posting for me but one that I felt led to do with my heart.  Dave Allen asked me to do a post and help him get the word out what he is trying to do and I tried to keep it as original as possible.  If you never read anything else I write my hope is that you'll read and share this in whatever way you feel led to do so.  Usually I write creative material so this is a little off the beaten path for me.  It is not my story but that of Dave Allen, as told to me.

GTTB= glory to the boys
WWRY= we will remember you 

Dave's story begins when James, his son a commando from the UK was sent to Afghanistan to help repel the Taliban.  Inspired by his son's journey he took a rock song he had originally written called Glory To The Boys, and changed the lyrics based on his son's travels.  GTTB is to bring awareness of armed forces around the world.  The song was produced and recorded at great expense from their own pockets to bring awareness to their heroism.  

In late 2010 Dave met the band Dementia when he was searching for a powerful voice for the song GTTB.  The name of their band came about because two of the band members grandparents' suffered from dementia.  The band in turn asked him to manage them.  They then recorded and produced the song GTTB, doing the video themselves with action pictures.  They filmed a scene in the video located at a WWll belly bomber hanger where the gunners trained.

They toured the UK doing gigs and many military bases for the armed forces.  They did these free, expenses were from their own pockets.  Joe Whelan was lead singer and guitarist as well as producer on GTTB.  Dave and the band had a tour for the U.S organized to play for their military but the band split up with internal arguments.  Joe is now quite famous in his own right and he and Dave are still creatively involved.  

(Due to agents & management Dave does not want to overextend Joe's usefulness)

But as the war raged on James lost a lot of his comrades, one of whom was his best friend and family friend Jonathan.  They had joined the military together at age 18.


At age 25, Jonathan Crookes was on patrol with a group of U.S. Marines when a sniper shot down a soldier under heavy fire.  Jonathan ran to get a stretcher and when he returned another comrade went down.  As he was running for medical help he was blown to bits by an IED... Dave's son James lost more mates out there, including Anthony Hotine who was only 19.  

When Dave attended Jonathan's military funeral he met Jonathan's mother, he was the only family she had.

Dave informed me that some not only lost a well loved family member, they also lost an income they grew to depend on.  They are left without any compensation what so ever and are forced into dire financial circumstances, without anyone to come to their aid.  Those left without, doing the best they can while they carry on, are the ones Dave plans on helping. We can all spread the word and be part of something good.  And this is.

All of these sacrifices resulted in Dave's next song/video We Will Remember You.  All the emotions of previous conflicts and sacrifices came to mind while writing it.

WWRY, Dave wrote and wanted a choir to do it but he needed the music written down.  He contacted a friend, Glenis Dawes who wrote it for him.  He then approached Lichfield Cathedral which is magnificent and one of the oldest in the world.  And Ben Lamb the choir master and music co-ordinator and arranger did it for them free of charge.

Dave then paid to have the video WWRY filmed and created special edition cd's and decided it should represent all fallen heroes past and present. 

Dave plans to take all the monies he hopefully makes from the cd's to go directly to people in need, like Jonathan's mother and all those around the world who have suffered such a loss facing financial difficulties.

In Dave's own words:
"What I'm trying to get across is that the profit from our songs/videos would go to people like this wherever they are.  I would love to knock on their door, hand them a lump sum of money.  This is what we are all about".

As I said this story is Dave Allen's and I hope I have done it justice.  Please leave comments and let Dave and me know what you think, if you would like more of his story maybe I will do some periodic updates but I'll leave that up to Dave.

New note of interest:
A bit about the military history of the Allen family.
Dave's family history dates all the way back to the Waterloo. His grandfather fought on the Somme in WW1.
Dave's father was a hero at Dunkirk in WW2 and the Burma campaign.
Dave's son James was a commando in Afghanistan and now is PTI in commando's and is currently involved with anti- terrorism.
The service of the Allen family is and has been commendable throughout the generations almost as if selflessly serving for and alongside others is in their blood.
Even if gratitude is all we have to offer in return at least that's a start. We can start by simply saying thank you to the Allen family and those similar who seem to give of themselves so tirelessly.

You can follow Dave at @glorytotheboys on twitter, he's one of the nicest people I've met there. 

Thanks all for your time, and thank you Dave Allen for trusting me, that means so much-

Vanessa