Never Ever

buried deeper in
the softest parts in
attic beds, our summered hearts
replicated, repeated 
but
"was it ever love?"
she wonders
or just temple of imagined
girlhood dream 
an uprooted fantasy

sweet oblivion of youth but
when time makes us pay
and our eyes grow iridescent from passion
"will it ever change?"

with determined resignation, he said
"it'll never change"
"never ever?"
"never ever my love - never ever"



Immortal in words, the love of all our never ever. 

June Afternoons

I used to live there
in the weave of his sunlit eyes
slept on his fine blade of shoulder and dreamed
in honeyed light
that has died away
now to a low glow pattern 
a fragile spiraling of fireflies
escaping to edge of night skies
no other lover ever dared inspire
me to abandon caution this way
I knew across his room in a glance
the warmth of belonging
the lilt of the world turning
champagne kisses extracting breath
Fingers brushing, a suggestion 
of June afternoons to idle in all the ways
happiness can be held
what a wonder of a time
when your soul was a glimpse into my own

Some people come into our lives so briefly yet rearrange everything from how we look at the sky and food tastes better and we don't need as much sleep and for a short magical time life feels wonderful and love is in everything around us. And when they go they have changed something in us we can't put a name to, we just know we are not the same person we were before them. We are better, we were loved. 

Imperfect Narcissist

you hold your matches like they are your finest weapon
oh you lover of fantasy
tell your living room guests how you've no more faith
in frail love
descend into the room as your most incredible vain loving self
with your limp mind and apple sliced fairy tale dramas
you are always hungry for beauty, looking for perfection
the curved full painted lips, thin arch of back and lull of sensuous hip
go on now
make their mind spin with how you make that strawberry moon
sigh
a lopsided testimony, changing up the speed limit of their hearts at your will
but you always leave out how you hold the candle closer when you're alone, getting comfortable with your fearful ache
becoming happy with your lonely

you don't go looking for safety in lovers
or God - neither will be
where you're sure you'd find them

Second Thought

will you my love find a new rhythm to breathing
without me
will you saunter into enlightenment 
or into the vast wilds of nothing taking
space up inside your intricate ears
the months away
how will they change you love ?

if you call my name will I hear you 

in the restlessness of the Summer trees dancing 

in the Carolina skyline

or in the heat of the warm cemented sidewalks

you strum silence together like guitar strings

leave me hungry for beauty, your laughter

I want to open my ceiling and stare at the stars

watch Heaven burn alive with night tapestry

that day swallows whole

I am a torn edge, longing to be just an itch 

in the hollow curve of your ivory collarbone 

or a tiny glint of light in your green eyes

hopefully I'm just a second thought away

hurry home love

Your fall

and sometimes I'm still trying to break your fall...

it's sad we never got to see the ocean together

but the sky was always watching, moving

and it was blue enough

we just knew something better was coming

it just never reached us

we talked through the night about small nothings

just happy we belonged beneath the same roof

and you always fell asleep first leaving me

to ponder the fires of a future truth

open ended conversations we never finished

well perhaps that's for another day

another place

when I catch up to you

wish I had just a spoonful of the hill 

we used to climb

wish I could sit in the barn we used to hide

we were wind chasers, star tracers

damn near choked on their indifference

but I was yours and you were mine

and your dark eyes were the only dark eyes

I ever saw my reflection in

and I would have taken your fall my brother

it just wasn't up to me

Still missing my brother Patrick whom I lost nineteen years ago and I don't think I'll ever stop. It's the unconditional, unromantic love of siblings that buries into our soul unlike any other love we encounter and anyone that has a brother/sister knows and realizes that sometimes this kind of love carries us onward and giving strength and fortitude

to keep carrying on when there's nothing left but revival of memories. 

 

 

Up to me

you were not a first choice
I wasn't looking for you
but you claimed my lips
without asking
and I made a dream from you

you brought blood

our first kiss

that should have told me something

I wanted love, I wanted you love

but I never knew what love

would want of me

you left my eyes full of clouds

slipped your name onto my tongue

and my soul's fire to raging

addicted to the midnights we consumed

pulled me across an ocean

into your arms

into you

I became ready

your lips stole me

your words buried me

I didn't wish to fly

stars disappeared - music seemed 

to belong to yesterday

our bed grew cold and lonely

you were drinking 

from another's lips, guilty

it was just time to

put our love to sleep

and it was up to me

 

Vacant Romance

all the elephant keepers
are invisible poets of course
writing love stories, of dark moons and
talking oceans
they are all love directed
lost shoe strings, birds shadows
and homeless, magnificent forgotten men
asleep on the fringe of a frozen universe
hands curling inward now
that used to curl around the hem
of their lover's dress

their dreams are a sweet addiction
crying doves and sharpness of broken wing
striking a haunted chord
nostalgic, for the future feels emptier
the past in its own language
longs to give direction
music its own dictation

you must follow the directions
fire building is intimacy 
you will surrender and dance around it
moonlight reflects on the water, a phantom -
a longing that pulls you out of yourself
to nowhere so don't stare at the water too long
please beware the hypnotic beauty of music
breaking free like sea gulls splitting the sky
pounding the want from heart
to lips
to touch
to heat

no-one can see what words mean to you
the manuscripts will never rust
they are safely resting within
the pearly shape of moonlight dripping
like honey on wild grasses-
a vacant romance
pulling us out toward the mystery of rain


I wrote this poem over several lunch breaks. I am a lover of words and miss just writing anytime of the day, when I get home after some nine hour days I am exhausted and creativity takes a hit. But for those that do read I can assure you this blog means so much to me, it allows me to lay heart & soul on the page. I will always show up to write here, maybe at a slower pace but I will be here. Thanks to all you that have been loyal readers I appreciate you, and you are my encouragement to keep picking up my pen. Love you all- Vanessa