Out

I'm a messy daydreamer
a sleepy wanderer
the sky is gray
the trees all break
I'm already half asleep
it's only eight
window is open
wind is whispering
wish I was whispering
to you
I'm not cold
yet I'm all covered up
my lips are closed for the day
no kiss for my love
my hands ache
I'm hungry for something
that don't fit on a plate
I'm looking for something
don't think that it's here
wish you were here
can you forgive me
I'm perfectly out of line
I sleep to escape
I sleep to waste
time
this white pasted version
they demand of me -
well on paper I'm impossibility
but I hope that you're happy
better clear up this darkness 
I never tell you about
it's too easy being
what everyone doubts
I only want out
I'm not sorry I love you
just that you can't see
how fractured I am
wish you could see
I'm too good at hurting
to be good at anything else
I'm just an old movie with
an old laugh track
passionate in blue
there's no escape
no going back -
No out 


When you hurt for everything you ever loved, for everything you ever lost there are those who never could understand how simply trying to live from a true place in this world will bruise your sensitive soul -  Vanessa

Never Ever

buried deeper in
the softest parts in
attic beds, our summered hearts
replicated, repeated 
but
"was it ever love?"
she wonders
or just temple of imagined
girlhood dream 
an uprooted fantasy

sweet oblivion of youth but
when time makes us pay
and our eyes grow iridescent from passion
"will it ever change?"

with determined resignation, he said
"it'll never change"
"never ever?"
"never ever my love - never ever"



Immortal in words, the love of all our never ever. 

June Afternoons

I used to live there
in the weave of his sunlit eyes
slept on his fine blade of shoulder and dreamed
in honeyed light
that has died away
now to a low glow pattern 
a fragile spiraling of fireflies
escaping to edge of night skies
no other lover ever dared inspire
me to abandon caution this way
I knew across his room in a glance
the warmth of belonging
the lilt of the world turning
champagne kisses extracting breath
Fingers brushing, a suggestion 
of June afternoons to idle in all the ways
happiness can be held
what a wonder of a time
when your soul was a glimpse into my own

Some people come into our lives so briefly yet rearrange everything from how we look at the sky and food tastes better and we don't need as much sleep and for a short magical time life feels wonderful and love is in everything around us. And when they go they have changed something in us we can't put a name to, we just know we are not the same person we were before them. We are better, we were loved. 

Imperfect Narcissist

you hold your matches like they are your finest weapon
oh you lover of fantasy
tell your living room guests how you've no more faith
in frail love
descend into the room as your most incredible vain loving self
with your limp mind and apple sliced fairy tale dramas
you are always hungry for beauty, looking for perfection
the curved full painted lips, thin arch of back and lull of sensuous hip
go on now
make their mind spin with how you make that strawberry moon
sigh
a lopsided testimony, changing up the speed limit of their hearts at your will
but you always leave out how you hold the candle closer when you're alone, getting comfortable with your fearful ache
becoming happy with your lonely

you don't go looking for safety in lovers
or God - neither will be
where you're sure you'd find them