Thursday, June 28, 2018


I'm a messy daydreamer
a sleepy wanderer
the sky is gray
the trees all break
I'm already half asleep
it's only eight
window is open
wind is whispering
wish I was whispering
to you
I'm not cold
yet I'm all covered up
my lips are closed for the day
no kiss for my love
my hands ache
I'm hungry for something
that don't fit on a plate
I'm looking for something
don't think that it's here
wish you were here
can you forgive me
I'm perfectly out of line
I sleep to escape
I sleep to waste
this white pasted version
they demand of me -
well on paper I'm impossibility
but I hope that you're happy
better clear up this darkness 
I never tell you about
it's too easy being
what everyone doubts
I only want out
I'm not sorry I love you
just that you can't see
how fractured I am
wish you could see
I'm too good at hurting
to be good at anything else
I'm just an old movie with
an old laugh track
passionate in blue
there's no escape
no going back -
No out 

When you hurt for everything you ever loved, for everything you ever lost there are those who never could understand how simply trying to live from a true place in this world will bruise your sensitive soul -  Vanessa

Friday, June 15, 2018

Never Ever

buried deeper in
the softest parts in
attic beds, our summered hearts
replicated, repeated 
"was it ever love?"
she wonders
or just temple of imagined
girlhood dream 
an uprooted fantasy

sweet oblivion of youth but
when time makes us pay
and our eyes grow iridescent from passion
"will it ever change?"

with determined resignation, he said
"it'll never change"
"never ever?"
"never ever my love - never ever"

Immortal in words, the love of all our never ever. 

Monday, June 11, 2018

June Afternoons

I used to live there
in the weave of his sunlit eyes
slept on his fine blade of shoulder and dreamed
in honeyed light
that has died away
now to a low glow pattern 
a fragile spiraling of fireflies
escaping to edge of night skies
no other lover ever dared inspire
me to abandon caution this way
I knew across his room in a glance
the warmth of belonging
the lilt of the world turning
champagne kisses extracting breath
Fingers brushing, a suggestion 
of June afternoons to idle in all the ways
happiness can be held
what a wonder of a time
when your soul was a glimpse into my own

Some people come into our lives so briefly yet rearrange everything from how we look at the sky and food tastes better and we don't need as much sleep and for a short magical time life feels wonderful and love is in everything around us. And when they go they have changed something in us we can't put a name to, we just know we are not the same person we were before them. We are better, we were loved. 

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Imperfect Narcissist

you hold your matches like they are your finest weapon
oh you lover of fantasy
tell your living room guests how you've no more faith
in frail love
descend into the room as your most incredible vain loving self
with your limp mind and apple sliced fairy tale dramas
you are always hungry for beauty, looking for perfection
the curved full painted lips, thin arch of back and lull of sensuous hip
go on now
make their mind spin with how you make that strawberry moon
a lopsided testimony, changing up the speed limit of their hearts at your will
but you always leave out how you hold the candle closer when you're alone, getting comfortable with your fearful ache
becoming happy with your lonely

you don't go looking for safety in lovers
or God - neither will be
where you're sure you'd find them

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Second Thought

will you my love find a new rhythm to breathing
without me
will you saunter into enlightenment 
or into the vast wilds of nothing taking
space up inside your intricate ears
the months away
how will they change you love ?

if you call my name will I hear you 
in the restlessness of the Summer trees dancing 
in the Carolina skyline
or in the heat of the warm cemented sidewalks

you strum silence together like guitar strings
leave me hungry for beauty, your laughter

I want to open my ceiling and stare at the stars
watch Heaven burn alive with night tapestry
that day swallows whole
I am a torn edge, longing to be just an itch 
in the hollow curve of your ivory collarbone 
or a tiny glint of light in your green eyes
hopefully I'm just a second thought away

hurry home love

Friday, May 4, 2018

Your fall

and sometimes I'm still trying to break your fall...

it's sad we never got to see the ocean together
but the sky was always watching, moving
and it was blue enough
we just knew something better was coming
it just never reached us
we talked through the night about small nothings
just happy we belonged beneath the same roof
and you always fell asleep first leaving me
to ponder the fires of a future truth
open ended conversations we never finished
well perhaps that's for another day
another place
when I catch up to you

wish I had just a spoonful of the hill 
we used to climb
wish I could sit in the barn we used to hide
we were wind chasers, star tracers
damn near choked on their indifference
but I was yours and you were mine
and your dark eyes were the only dark eyes
I ever saw my reflection in

and I would have taken your fall my brother
it just wasn't up to me

Still missing my brother Patrick whom I lost nineteen years ago and I don't think I'll ever stop. It's the unconditional, unromantic love of siblings that buries into our soul unlike any other love we encounter and anyone that has a brother/sister knows and realizes that sometimes this kind of love carries us onward and giving strength and fortitude
to keep carrying on when there's nothing left but revival of memories. 

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Up to me

you were not a first choice
I wasn't looking for you
but you claimed my lips
without asking
and I made a dream from you

you brought blood
our first kiss
that should have told me something
I wanted love, I wanted you love
but I never knew what love
would want of me

you left my eyes full of clouds
slipped your name onto my tongue
and my soul's fire to raging
addicted to the midnights we consumed

pulled me across an ocean
into your arms
into you
I became ready
your lips stole me
your words buried me
I didn't wish to fly
stars disappeared - music seemed 
to belong to yesterday

our bed grew cold and lonely
you were drinking 
from another's lips, guilty
it was just time to
put our love to sleep
and it was up to me


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